The "B" Word

BUDGET.



I'm the first one to admit that when it comes to gifts, I am absolutely horrible at maintaining my budget.I have that dreaded, "GREAT GIFT GIVING" mindset! I love this holiday, because it gives me the opportunity to give gifts that show my thoughtfulness and attentiveness to people. I seriously love giving.

My latest shopping extravaganza was just this weekend. My husband and I went to Target on the hunt for gifts for everyone on our list! This included:

1. My Mom
2. My Dad
3. My Sister
4. His Mom
5. His Dad
6. His Sister
7. His Brother
8. Friend #1
9. Myself
10. My Husband

We had approximately ten gifts to purchase. Now, I rarely ever go shopping without a monetary budget budget in mind. My goal was $200. I was hoping that would be enough to purchase a few small gifts for every one on that list! (Around $20 per person). We ended up spending around $115 at Target with a few really great gifts. 

Our next stop was Bath and Body Works for the beautiful 5 women in my life. There we spent $42 on a killer deal of by 3 get two free. So afterwards I had about:

1. My Mom
2. My Dad
3. My Sister
4. His Mom
5. His Dad
6. His Sister
7. His Brother
8. Friend #1
9. Myself
10. My Husband

So we were roughly at the end of our budget and still had HALF the people on our list to purchase for. I was shattered! Did I really need $400 to give to the people I loved? And of course, they were all the men, which of whom are always the hardest for me to buy for. I left discouraged. SUPER discouraged. And in my discouragement, I was hit with a very tough realization. A newsflash! Are you ready to hear about the plank in my eye?

I GET WRAPPED UP IN QUANTITY.

I am a hypocrite. You heard me. The biggest of all! I am a huge advocate for simple living, with  being content with less. But when it comes time for an opportunity to truly live that out, I crumble underneath the the idea of quantity. 

See I hate the thought of someone opening a gift from me and thinking, "that's it?" I have a giving nature. I love giving! I am a giver through and through - and I don't think that's a bad thing. But I've learned that I HAVE to be careful with what I give myself too.

Christmas is not about giving and receiving the most extravagant gifts, or being called the best giver. For so long my identity has rested in that label every holiday season. For me, Christmas is about the ultimate gift ever given, that of Jesus, one I cannot top. 

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU GIVE.

I've come to realize that Christmas is not about what you give, but how you give. Can you give freely, or do you wind up giving with a bitter heart because what you bought stretched your budget so thin you're living on Ramen Noodles? What are your intentions behind the gift? Is it to be the best gifter? To have the best wrapping paper? To be the most creative?

I am guilty of almost every single one of those thoughts. 

I give to be the best. 

And my consequence for this is a small budget, and a loss of true meaning. As I attempt to stretch my budget to fit those last people in, I can't help but reflect on some of the best gifts I've ever been given.

• A glass casserole dish and a handmade booklet of my mother's recipes my first year of college.
• A day of painting with my husband because we couldn't afford to go to an actual gallery in Chicago.

They were simple. But they were beautiful. And they were CHEAP.

If' I'm honest, my favorite gifts of all time are memories and momma's cooking. I couldn't even tell you the number of presents I received in any given Christmas. Why? Because it didn't matter.

What mattered was the connection I made with the people that gave. 

So, when you're looking through your budget this season, frantically trying to figure out how you'll get it all to work. I invite you to shake that anxiety right off your shoulders and realize the truth of Christmas. Don't allow yourself to get worked up the "Go big or go home" mindset that this holiday usually promotes. Rather, take a breath, think about the people you love, and do something that shows them just that.

IT'S NOT HOW MUCH WE CAN GIVE, BUT HOW MUCH LOVE WE PUT INTO GIVING.

 - MOTHER TERESA

Merry Christmas,

Aubrey